Update: A rep for Speidi says the couple is still in Costa Rica and still in competition and that Spencer's buddy and sister were the people under blankets at LAX (Why?). Whatever. I'm still not watching. -- 2:01 p.m. ET

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As a woman who freely admits to watching the trashtastic "Daisy of Love" and "Real Housewives of [insert any city here]," my reality viewing standards are what my father would describe as "high mediocre."

But even I have limits. If you haven't already been watching NBC's month-long daily dose of reality, "I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here," don't start now.

Clue: A show is obviously flailing when the biggest star power it can draw is Speidi -- aka Heidi Montag Pratt and her doofily villainous new husband Spencer Pratt, stars courtesy of another reality show (MTV's "The Hills"). Apparently realizing that neither the waxen-faced Janice Dickinson nor a pitiful Lou Diamond Phillips had much to add in the way of compelling watching, producers spent the first three hours of the "competition" focused mainly on the drama of whether Speidi would stay or go.

They went and according to a report from The Post's own Steve Goff were spotted at a Costa Rican resort before returning to Los Angeles covered with a black sheet in the dead of the night as onlookers yelled "quitters" in their general direction.

And even as they made it clear that they'd be amenable to a third return to the set (they'd already quit twice), producers jetted in replacements in the form of Daniel Baldwin -- who joins already in contention bro Stephen -- and Holly Montag. And, unfortunately, I can't muster the enthusiasm to tune in every excruciating evening for the next month to find out whether "Idol" flash-in-the-pan Sanjaya and the sassy "Frangela" go "Lord of the Flies."

If anything, the show proved that without the soft focus lens and scripted reality of "The Hills," Speidi don't have much to offer beyond pouts (her) and delusional chest-thumping (him, see clips below). Yes, we already knew this but, hey, I'm looking for something redemptive here.

Heidi cries:
(video link deleted.)

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/celebritology/2009/06/count_me_out_of_im_a_celebrity.html