Boys don't cry. Seriously, they don't. Ever.
Real boys, that is, real men, avoid tears like they avoid conversations about menstruation, unless they are watching "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition."
There's really nothing nowadays that plucks those heartstrings like that Ty Something-or-Other screaming at a destitute family of nine as they bellow and wail over the gift of a new home - complete with race car beds and robotic TV stands.
I mean, in the grand arena of charity and giving, the biggest players are Mother Theresa, Santa Claus and, of course, Ty Pennington.
The show is so good that I may even have to put it on my TiVo. But that would mean I would have to get rid of perennial entertainment powerhouses like "Numb3rs" and "NCIS."
Of course, there's also the non-network shows like "Lockup: Extended Stay" and "To Catch a Predator: Long Beach 2."
I might need to find some more room on the TiVo.
Then again, there's gotta be some time reserved for those blowhard, loose-collar spew machines on Fox News, whose best entertainment quality comes from nonsensical shouts and screams that last the duration of an entire segment.
"Ijustcan'tbelievethesepeopledon'tunderstandthefundamentalaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!"
It's grade-A, top-notch television that can't be found anywhere else, folks.
But, getting back to good ol' Ty, I swear I don't cry - because I watch a lot of TV - but he really gets me.
He gives to those who maintain the utter worst, lowest, most depressing lives in history. The show follows single fathers who feed seven hungry children with $20 per week, those whose children sleep on hand-sewn quilts assembled from the scraps of old shower curtains and paper bags.
Then Ty pulls up, after a hefty narrative preview, and screams at them:
"HowwouldyouguysliketogotoFloridaforaweekwhilewebuildyouanewhome?!?!"
My tear ducts are warming just thinking about it.
But I have a question: What is Ty really doing?
Obviously he's an overly tan and attractive Hollywood host plastered on the screen to pull in the younger female demographic, but he's also destroying the purpose of philanthropy. This argument could quickly dissolve into the philosophical contention that there are no truly selfless acts, but there is no way in hell that Ty Pennington has enough life-changing energy in him to do this over and over and over and over.
It strikes me that the show is so popular for its charitable nature, that so many people claim to be moved by it, and none actually pay it forward.
So we get right back to the question: What is Ty Pennington really doing? If nobody is touched enough by his charity to enact the same forms of giving, then really, he's profiting off of the poor.
He's the anti-Robin Hood. He's exploiting those inhabiting the lowermost rungs of the economic ladder.
And for that "Extreme Makeover" hour, I just want to weep endlessly.
Now, even the effervescent Oprah is getting in on the act, assuming the face behind the new reality game show "Oprah's Big Give."
It's part debacle, part money-maker, part tearjerker - I think.
Oprah takes the time to step away from her show, bookclub and Stedman to hurl mountains of cash at unwitting participants who think it's their lucky day.
But … there's a twist.
They need to turn that cash into charity somehow, and the person who most successfully brings joy to another person's life wins the secret contest.
Really, it's a win-win for all parties; Oprah invades more homes with that smile and motherly know-how and everybody on the show looks great - right?
Oh, and the person who turns that cash into the biggest donation will win a surprise sum of $1 million.
Oh goody!
It makes me sick. It completely spits in the face of generosity. The idea that one will be paid to give is ludacris; it subverts the notion of kindness.
Even for Ty Pennington. You can't say he's not making a pretty penny for assaulting the ears of the subjects of his show, or at least enjoying quite an ego boost.
They aren't doing any of this crap for charity. They're doing it for the love of the buck and public image.
Mother Theresa would be pissed, and so would Santa Claus.
http://media.www.thespartandaily.com/media/storage/paper852/news/2008/03/03/Opinion/the-Decline.Of.Mojophilanthropy.Never.Madeso.Much.Money-3247094-page2.shtml