Unlike many of you, I have been on strike and have a pretty good idea what’s going through the minds of striking members of the Hollywood Writers Guild.
They’re low on money, swamped with bills, and concerned that, when they return to work, they will suffer from writer’s block
.
Although they’re not supposed to, a few are working secretly on ideas they can whip out as soon as the strike is over.
Writers of “Everybody Hates Chris” have a concept tentatively titled, “Why Does Every Spouter Hate Ernie?”
The creative team behind “Medium” is excited about a “24-Hours”-like series about a serial killer chef who wipes out all his customers who order their meat “Well Done.”
Those reports will be denied, of course, and the truth is that most of the strikers are not cheating. But, it is possible for them, with union permission, to schedule their picketing duties in such a way as to do some consulting work outside the entertainment industry.
For them, Cape May County beckons.
Lower Township Council, for example, has, to the surprise of no one, made it quite clear it intends to “dissolve” the Lower Township MUA and replace it with a new Department of Water and Sewer.
Lower officials insist no one will lose his job and they will save $400,000.
That’s where professional creative writers come in. Lower officials seem to be unable to explain where the $400,000 savings will occur.
This is a responsibility for a two-writer team. Someone from “NUMB3RS” could figure how to come up with the saving and someone from “Law & Order Special Victim’s Unit” could deal with the special victims the “savings” are sure to create, no matter what officials say.
There is an opportunity for a team of creative Hollywood writers in Wildwood where city officials say they need about $11 million to deal with the current (and age-old) problem of nine outfall lines.
These lines carry all the junk on city streets, from animal waste to cigarette butts, that get into storm sewer outfall lines that used to flow, sight unseen, into the ocean.
As we all know, the beach in Wildwood is widening and so the lines don’t reach to the ocean anymore. Instead, they end on the beach. The city has to unblock the sand from the lines and dig trenches to enable the contents to get to the ocean.
(Understanding locals sit as far away from them as possible; some unsuspecting tourists let their kids play on them.)
No one apparently has thought of excavating the sand and selling it to places that need it so that the Wildwood beaches would not be so wide and the outfall lines would reach into the ocean again.
Send in a creative team of writers from the Sci-Fi Channel and let’s see what happens.
But the biggest opportunity for a short-term writing job for a team of strikers is with county government.
It doesn’t look like Freeholder-Director Dan Beyel will be able to deliver his usual boilerplate annual budget message this year.
For the last seven years, Beyel has been able to announce a tax rate cut, giving this county the lowest rate in history and probably the lowest rate in the state.
That’s been possible largely because county ratables have increased by double digit percentages every year since 2001 — from 14 to 25 percent and almost 20 percent last year alone. That was due to revals and the booming housing market.
But this year, the market nosedived, the reval impact tapered off (despite Lower and Middle), and the county Tax Administrator expects ratables will climb barely 3 percent. We haven’t had a percentage increase that low since 1998.
At that time, the county budget was $83.9 million, the ratables were $13.5 billion, and the tax rate was 42 cents per $100 of assessed value.
Last year, the budget was $128 million, the ratables $44.3 billion, and the tax rate 15 cents.
But even if the tax rate stays the same, it would be the 13th straight year the rate either dropped or remained unchanged.
The good times may not be over, but be prepared for some disappointments. I’d have writers from “Prison Break” on standby in case Sheriff John Callinan decides to make overcrowded prison conditions a major issue.
The usual suspects account for much of the budget increase: Another $2 million for contracted salary and wage hikes, another $2 million for pensions, and another $1.3 million for health insurance.
And of course there are the increases in pay and staff for the county Prosecutor if the county ever stops fighting the Bigley decisions.
You say this is beginning to sound boring? Of course it is, and we haven’t even discussed use of surplus, debt payments, interest on investments, or county clerk fees.
That’s why a room full of Hollywood writers needs to get here fast to massage Beyel’s budget message. After all, he is a candidate for an eighth term this year.
CORRECTION
Last week’s column suggested my wife was watching a Sylvester Stallone movie. It was Steven Seagal.
http://www.capemaycountyherald.com/article/19677-opportunities-here-hollywood-writers